The Lab

A colleague posted his farewell e-mail today (1/28/15).  Had to share!!

 

Dear Colleagues;

My last day here at [redacted] is this Friday the 30th  and I had a really hard time drafting my retirement letter , so I need my colleagues to help me fill in the blanks.

After ___[1]___, I have decided to leave [redacted] in order to ___[2]___.  While this was not an easy decision for me, ___[3]___.  I have ___[4]___ my time here and will___[5]___.  [redacted] has been ___[6]___ and I will always ___[7]___.  I look forward to___[8]___ and wish you all ___[9]___.  Until ___[10]___, I bid you all adieu.

 

[1]

a.    thoughtful consideration

b.    the flip of an “Massachusetts” commemorative quarter

c.    years of searching for a way out

d.    a couple shots of Wild Turkey

e.    recovering from my bout of amnesia and remembering I never went to Engineering school

 

[2]

a.    accept an in-house position as a Walmart Greeter

b.    pursue an acting career

c.    abandon my alter-ego and devote all my time to my super hero duties

d.    live off the generosity of others (i.e. Deborah)

e.    be able to sleep till 9am every morning

 

[3]

a.    I feel it is the right one

b.    the Magic Eight Ball is never wrong

c.    it wasn’t exactly rocket science either

d.    it was easier than hanging around until somebody realized I wasn’t doing anything

e.    stock options are hard to resist

 

4]

a.    thoroughly enjoyed

b.   cautiously endured

c.    already forgotten most of

d.    surfed the internet a lot during

e.    miraculously survived

 

[5]

a.    miss all of you I have come to know

b.    never look back

c.    remember the little people I crawled over on my way to the top

d.    miss the free booze

e.    eagerly await the tears of sorrow when you hear I am leaving

 

[6]

a.    a great place to learn bio-technology from some of the best

b.    very punctual with my pay checks

c.    a benevolent master to this flying monkey

d.    by far the best Company I’ve ever worked for

e.    the source of my indigestion. Oh wait that is the cafeteria food

 

[7]

a.    value my experience here

b.    be thankful I wasn’t fired for …..(hehe)

c.    keep garlic and a crucifix nearby

d.    think back fondly when using my frequent flyer miles

e.    believe the children are our future

 

[8]

a.    playing golf with many of you in the future

b.    getting out of here alive

c.    retirement

d.    the next episode of The Apprentice

e.    being the summer help (wa-ha-ha-ha)

 

[9]

a. the best of luck in your future endeavors

b.    had gotten me a going away gift

c.    would have a drink with me someday

d.    were coming with me

e.    could appreciate how funny this memo is

 

[10]

a.    our paths cross again

b.    I lose in the stock market and come begging for my job back

c.    hell freezes over

d.    the next team-sponsored event with an open bar

e.    I need a competent lawyer to fix something I’ve screwed up

Today’s Shenanignas thus far:

7 am: Got into work and began to clean Boron’s old 5 gallon tank in the kitchenette.  After almost dropping the tank in the sink, I managed to splash water all over the counter.  It spilled onto the floor… which hit the ‘spill alarm’ thingie on the water cooler (to sense leaks), which is stupidly placed on the floor next to the sink… which triggered a safety shutdown of the water to the cooler as well as to the coffee maker.  With no way to re-set the alarm, I quietly slunk out.  No one got their morning coffee (And no one knows it was me, sshhhhh!).

8 am: Boron’s new 2.5 gallon tank is clean and set up.  Only mild blood loss resulted from snapping off part of the tank lid to fit the filter (it’s standard to pop off pre-cut sections of the tank lid for apparatus like filters, bubblers, and heaters).  Um, and the blood wasn’t even mine.  This was a group effort!  Boron feels the love from his fellow office mates (or that could just be residual blood).

11:30 am: Left work to take my hubby out to lunch for his 10th annual 21st birthday.

1:30 pm: Came back to work.  Drunkish.  I love Eeeeeeeverybody!

I love Everybody by Vdog1love

(http://vdog1love.deviantart.com/art/I-love-Everybody-268394621)

1:40 pm: Mac and Jay had stories about Nutty MaGee being a fuckwit.  Let me just preface that by saying Mac and Jay are the two most professional, laid-back people I know.  It’s a big deal when either of them comes to seek you out for a bitch-fest.  I got both in one day (I guess I’m just popular, *winning!*).

1:50 pm: My colleagues and I discuss the best way to dispose of a dead body.  (refer to 1:40 pm time stamp)

2pm: Coffee.  Lots of it.  Now.

2:30 pm: One of the guys from the manufacturing suite pops into the office singing, “If It Bleeds We Can Kill It” from Predator The Musical ()

 

I got Boron a new 2.5 gallon tank!  He was moved into it this morning:

boron

(No, the jelly fish are not real.  And you can get them from here: http://www.thinkgeek.com/product/9a8c/

After all the fishy “mishaps” preceding Boron, there was one last attempt to use the 5 gallon tank with a divider to house Boron and another Betta.  We don’t talk about what happened to Carbon the Fish… (Suffice it to say, I’m traumatized enough to swear off of getting more bettas in the near future).

Also, that 5 gallon tank had some funky electrical stuff happen with the lid.  Inside the top, part of the light fixture looked burned, and only half of it lit up.  Poo on the Aquarius 5 gallon panaview LED light aquarium kit!  (http://www.petco.com/product/118221/Hawkeye-Aquarius-Panaview-Aquarium-Kit.aspx)

Thursday was meant as a backup VC day incase anything needed to be repeated.  Since we had an uneventful study, Thursday was left as a play day.

Pookie and I traveled back to DC, expecting another sketchy taxi ride.  It was anything but!  Our cab driver was fabulous.  He obeyed all the traffic laws, didn’t get lost, and even played tour guide.   The man made my day, and I told him as much as I gave him a 25% gratuity.  Even with tip, the fare was still significantly less than the $55 nightmare from Sunday.

Our first stop was lunch at Fogo De Chao (http://www.fogodechao.com/)  O.M.G.  If ever you have the chance to eat at this Brazilian steakhouse Take It!   Sooooo amazingly yummy!!!

After we were all fat and happy, we waddled off to the Smithsonian to poke around some more.  We saw the rest of the Museum of Natural History.  By then it was almost 5 pm and we had to leave DC for Bethesda to meet up with friends.

Earlier in the day, said friends had gone out of their way to pick up our luggage from the hotel so we wouldn’t have to lug it around DC with us all day.  They were also graciously putting us up for the evening (we had to be up at 4:30 am the next morning for our flight home).  These folks are truly awesome!

Naturally, Pookie and I insisted upon buying them dinner.  We went to a great pizza place and, once again, got all fat and happy.  Being tea lovers, our hosts made us Sleepy Time Tea before bedtime so we could be well rested for our early AM shenanigans.

Our trip back to Boston Friday morning was uneventful.  We scheduled a taxi pick-up so as not to put out our hosts with driving us.  The cabbie was early and had no trouble getting us to the airport.  We got through the Washington TSA without issue, although they were still instigating the usual rules (take out laptops and liquids, take off shoes, etc).  The flight was easy-peasy, and we got home a little ahead of schedule.

The end.

 

 

 

 

That’s all.

Why are you still reading?  There’s no more.

 

 

 

 

 

Go away.  Go on now.

I don’t have much to report for the next three days.  Nothing happened!  Even Nutty MaGee behaved herself (refer to previous blogs for background on my evil nemesis).

For once we had < 8 hr days.  This has never been done at any of the other VCs, where the norm is 15-18 hr days.  Everything went smoothly.  We were on top of our game and ahead of schedule.  Nothing broke or blew up (believe me, I tried).

I was back at the hotel early every day.  My hubby and I had time to enjoy leisurely dinners in Washingtonian Center.  We got to chill out with Netflix / book reading for hours.

On Tuesday a light snow fell all day, blanketing the ground with ~ 1 inch.  That evening we cuddled up by the hotel’s giant lounge windows and watched the big fat snowflakes fall.  We sat there for almost two hours enjoying drinks and just talking.

Wednesday was the end of the VC work. We were done by 2 pm.   Unfortunately it was crazy windy that day.  We’re talking 30-40 mph gusts.  Pookie and I opted to stay at the hotel instead of going back to DC to play.  We ventured out to one of the Washingtonian Center restaurants for dinner, but that’s as far of an adventure as we could muster.

 

Tags:

The second day was mostly spent on DC frolic.

Pookie and I made a hunt of trying to find some Toynbee Tiles.  (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Toynbee_tiles) We weren’t successful finding any, but we enjoyed it all the same.  The walk was lovely: the weather was fairly warm, and a lot of the spring flowers were blooming.

We also toured the International Spy Museum. (http://www.spymuseum.org/)  Pretty neat place – I recommend it if anyone is traveling to the area.

I loved this T-shirt in the Spy Store:

Top Ten

 

After the Spy Museum, Pookie and I got to spend some time with one of my college buddies who lives in the area.  He gave us a tour of the area around the White House and walked us over to the Smithsonian Museums.  We didn’t get to spend more than hour in the Museum of Natural History before we had to leave.

Day 2 is also when the horrific taxi ride from DC to Gaithersberg happened.  We were traveling to a Marriott where my company booked some rooms for the week. I shouldn’t have gotten into that cab.  The cabbie carelessly plowed through three lanes of traffic to make a right turn in a left turn only lane so he could beat out the cab driver my husband was hailing across the street.  I really shouldn’t have gotten into that cab.

As soon as I told him we wanted to go to Gaithersburg he looked confused.  “Gettysburg”? he asked.  “No, Gaithersburg” I replied.  “… Gettysburg?…” he questioned.  “No.  G.A.I.T.H.E.R.S. burg” I spelled out for him.  “Right!  Gettysburg!!” He smiled happily.  Sighing, I named the hotel and told him it was in Washingtonian Center.  He told us he knew where that was.  I hoped we wouldn’t be going to Gettysburg.

15 min later we found ourselves on the highway.  Our driver had been on the phone the entire time.  I was gripping the ‘Oh Shit Handle’ for dear life as he rode between lanes, swerved around cars without even a turn signal, and almost drove off the road a few times.

Every time I felt my bladder loose a fraction of control, I mentally shaved of percentages of his tip.  Around then he decided it would be a good time to ask me for an address.   There was so much wrong with this.  I guess ‘the Marriott at Washingtonian Center in Gaithersburg’ wasn’t good enough for someone who claimed to know the place.   Not having a smart phone on me, my husband called around to friends before he found one available to look it up.  Meanwhile Mr. Knievel Pants was back on the phone chatting away.  Guess he didn’t think to ask his dispatcher for directions.  I finally got the specific street name and number.

We still ended up turning around and around.  By the way, those turns happened at red lights in no-U-turn sections.  Sometimes he just stopped in the middle of the road to scratch his head and mutter to his buddy on the phone.  I don’t even know if he was aware of the angry horn blares and drivers swerving around him.

By the third time we turned around, our fare was already past $70.  I told him up front we weren’t paying for the extra fare (it should have been $50 tops).  He wisely agreed and stopped the meter.

Somehow we stumbled upon a Marriott hotel.  The cabbie told us he would take $55 for the fare.  I sullenly handed him my credit card.  He stared at it, stammering that he couldn’t take a credit card because he had stopped the meter.  The idiot had actually turned off the entire machine, clearing the system.  He uselessly punched at some buttons and pointed to the blank screen with a shrug.  I told him I didn’t have that much cash on me (who does these days?).  The cabbie just repeated that he couldn’t take credit and stared at me.

Sensing the shit storm I was about to rain down upon the cabbie, my husband quietly exited the cab and proceeded to get our luggage out of the trunk.  Meanwhile, I struggled to keep myself from giving the driver a tip.  Many tips.  None of them involving currency of any kind.

I internally debated if I wanted to press the ‘no credit acceptance = no payment’ rule, or just ask my hubby for his emergency cash and be done with it.  Maybe the cabbie sensed this.  He began to apologize, pleading excuses and being generally pitiful.  My husband handed me his wallet with a questioning head tilt.  I paid the bastard and have regretted it since.  There was no tip.  Of any kind.

To top it off, he brought us to the wrong hotel.

We eventually got to the correct hotel.  It was only a block or so away.  We walked.  I wasn’t about to get into another cab.

Thankfully the rest of the evening was quiet and relaxing.  We had a lovely meal at the hotel bar.  Even my non-drinking husband enjoyed a cocktail *wipes tear away* So proud!

 

As previously mentioned, I had a work trip to Washington DC for a viral clearance (VC) study.  Before you get any ideas about me gleefully tossing vials of rabies around and starting the next zombie apocalypse, I should probably tell you it’s not that kinda trip (sad, I know).

As far as background geekiness goes, a VC study is to prove our purification process used in drug production can clean up any viruses that might be in the drug.  These viruses aren’t contagious to people, they are found in critters (specifically found in little mammals like hamsters, mice, etc).  Since we use critter cells to make our drugs, those cells can come with viruses.  We have to make sure the drug is free of viruses because they can do bad things to the drug during storage (chew it up and that sorta stuff), and possibly even give people cold-like symptoms.  These VC studies are part of an FDA approval thing.  I guess they want to make sure our drugs are safe and effective.  Weird.

The first day of frolic began with an early AM flight from Boston to DC.  I was excited to finally be bringing my hubby, Pookie, along with me on one of these work trips.  We haven’t had a vacation in a while due to time / money constraints of him being in law school.  Now that he’s graduated we are still poor but at least he has more free time.  With this trip looming, I was anticipating lots of play time and yummy dinners after work hours were done.

Things went pretty smoothly on the flight down.  In fact, the TSA at Logan Airport let up on security restrictions.  We were allowed to keep laptops and liquids in our bags, as well as keep on shoes and belts.  Yay!

Upon landing, we hopped into a cab and were on our way to DC.  I’d like to make a few side notes about transportation here:

1)      Rent a car if you plan on traveling between DC and the suburbs!!  The cab fares are expensive.  A cab ride from the airport to DC will cost ~70$ (~40 min ride), and between the suburbs like Gaithersberg to the city will be ~ 40-50$.

2)      The cabs in Washington have only recently been outfitted to accept credit cards.  The cabbie’s aren’t used to using credit card readers, and expect you to pay cash when they mess up using the readers.  This is illegal btw – if they can’t accept your credit card, you are not obligated to pay.  It’s posted on the rules under the card reader.  Good luck explaining that to a feisty cabbie.  Luckily my husband is a lawyer and he deals with such nonsense for me.

3)      Cab drivers in DC only know the areas immediately around DC, and drivers at the airport only know how to drive to the airport.  Our cab ride was about 50 minutes; 10 of which were spent turning around and around thanks to our cabbie’s lack of directional sense (yes, he had a GPS), and another 10 where the cabbie was trying to figure out how to use his credit card reader.  All this fun cost $71.00.  The same thing happened (with more disastrous results) going from DC to Gaithersburg.

4)      Another option of transportation is the metro.  We chose not to deal with this option, as we were staying farther out in the suburbs where the metro wasn’t nearby.  Further, being used to the Boston T system, we didn’t adjust well to the subtle sign system used in the metro.  We didn’t see many directories or line postings.  The one and only time we took the metro was when we were with friends from the area.  We didn’t get lost, but I feel I’d still be wandering around down there if we were traveling by ourselves.  I can get lost on the way to the bathroom.  It’s tragic.  Especially when I really have to pee.

Sooooo, anyway!  Our first stop was to visit my younger cousin (my surrogate little brother) and his new Wifey.  The four of us ran amok in DC with them playing tour guides.

We had a phenomenal steak n burger cookout on the rooftop that night, complete with fairy lights and wine.  My cousin is an amazing grill master.  I think I ate three cows.  But I lost count with all the wine.

Aaaaaannn speaking of wine, just before the trip my mom was giving me a lecture about not getting soused in front of my cousin and his new wife.  She claimed they don’t drink.

HA!

Well, as she found out that night via drunk-dial, said cousin and wifey most certainly DO drink!  At some point while I was on the phone with my mom, Wifey and I were happily singing into her ear that ‘we won’.  I’m not sure what we won, but I have a feeling it had to do with correctly guessing my uncle’s age (which was the reason we called my mom in the first place).  I’m pretty sure I also gave Mumsey a 10 minute drunken monolog of how brilliant a grill master my cousin is, and how they TOTALLY do drink!  Lots!

Now mum can brag to all her friends (both of them) that her daughter drunk-dials her.  She’s secretly happy about this, though she pretends long suffering and failure as a mother.

Pookie and I stayed with my cousin and Wifey for the night in their gorgeous new condo, which is outfitted with all modern, pretty, shiney things.  Our hosts patiently indulged me as I ran around pushing buttons, flicking switches, poking stuff, and squealing like an idiot.

I need to mention that the bathtub had jets.

Jets!!

So much awesome!

I stood in front of the refrigerator as it lit up and gave me water.  I waited for it to talk, but it never did.  Even when I poked it.  It gave me more water though.  Nice fridgie.  Just shy I guess.

The super comfy guest bed also merits mention.  I miss that bed.  Even now… *sigh* I’m going to dream of that bed of cloudy heaven goodness.

So yeah Day 1 was a rocking good time!

Already got another set of “being VC stupid” correspondences from Nutty!

Nutty’s recent strain of e-mails:

To Al: “I’m placing orders today for AKTA fittings. Would you please take a moment and respond with a list of nice to have regarding AKTA and column handling, like fittings, adapter, inline filters, etc.  Thanks.”

[Side note: this is something she should / can do for herself]

To Me: “I’m placing orders today for filters, beakers, stir bars, and bottles. Would you please take a moment to translate volumes of intermediates for each of the unit operations less the VF so I can place the order this morning.  Thanks!”

[ I had no idea what she meant by ‘translate volumes’ and ‘less the VF”.  Not to mention that any info she needs she  should / can look up herself]

Me to Nutty: “I’m not really sure what info you are looking for, but you should be able to find everything you need in the Study Procedures / Scanned Completed Records.  Cheers!”

Nutty To Me: “Thanks.  Please provide volumes of each intermediate that you worked with and I should be able to take care of the rest.”

[Sooo she just ignored the part about finding things on her own in the Study Procedures…]

Al, with all his saintly patience, does Nutty’s job for her and provides the list of items she needs to order.

I use Reply All to his e-mail with a comment to include ordering some ‘unions’, a commonly used item on our equipment.

My e-mail: “We might want to get some unions for when we take the columns off line to sanitize the system / column lines.  I think it’s GE # 11-0008-52”

Nutty’s response: “Can’t there from here.  No part of that number.  Union of what to what?”

[Ohhhh my….]

My e-mail: “A union is what you put in place of a column so you have a closed system.  You should be familiar with them from using an HPLC:  It’s that thing you put in-line when you take the column off.  If you go to GE’s website and search for ‘union’ it should come up.”

[*Bangs head on desk* She uses a union every day folks!  I went over this with her at the last VC for the same reason!]

A few minutes after that last e-mail, she came into my office to get further info on this mystical ‘union’ creature .  There was a good 15 minute discussion on it.  I pulled up a picture for her.  On Google.  That helped her remember what it was, but she still didn’t seem to understand why we needed one.  

I made drawings.  

I practically performed an interpretive dance.  Only there was no music.  And I don’t think she found it funny.   (“BE” the union!  Let those buffer lines flow from you!  Flooow like water!  Now PURGE!!!!  Purge like you’ve never purged before.  And now: the union is trash.  It is garbage!  Throw it to the floor!  Wait: Here comes the column – EMBRACE the column!!! *No, no, don’t hug me*).

I think she got it.  I evilly referred her to another colleague for any future questions (Sorry Kel!).

Next time there’s a VC, I will make a video in anticipation of having ‘The Union Conversation’ again.  I could make puppets.

Re: The 2014 Washington, DC Trip

Nutty MaGee is coming on the trip.  To fully understand the brunt of my horror, refer to my previous posts under ‘Crazy Coworker Stories’.

So.

Nutty has already started her typical “being VC stupid” shenanigans:

My boss sent out an e-mail suggesting  we use ‘Supper Shuttle’ (with a phone #) to get from the DC airport to our hotel.

Nutty couldn’t figure out that our boss probably meant ‘Super Shuttle’, and replied all with a request for our boss to cross check the name of the place.

On a side note, I think a supper shuttle sounds like the best idea EVER!!

My favorite responses sent to me (privately) from Coworkers / Friends:

– “/facepalm  She has a job.  In pharmaceuticals.  Mind blown.”

– “There’s a website called Let Me Google That For You.  Check it out”

(I DID check it out and it’s adorable:  https://www.google.com/search?btnG=1&pws=0&q=Super+Shuttle+(800-258-3826))

– “Ohhhhh boy”

With less than 2 weeks till Go-Time, I can’t wait to see what else is gonna pop up on this trip!  Last year included wearing jeans /sneakers every day, bringing photos of her cats to share with the clients, providing the details of her medical problems (and showing the afflicted areas of her body), and having panic attacks in the taxi because the driver was going 10 miles below the speed limit and it was just too darn fast.

Looking forward to many epic stories!

There’s a trip to Washington DC coming up at the end of the month, yay!  My work crew is going out there to kill us some viruses.  Safely, of course.   And hopefully none of us will come down with any funky bugs, as per tradition in past years.  That would be viruses from the airplane, of course – don’t worry folks, the viruses we play with aren’t infectious to humans (… and THAT is how the zombie plague will start…)

Last time I got shingles.  The time before that Meerkat got Avian Flu.  Every Viral Clearance (VC) trip has yielded some horrible disease for one of us.  Apparently we are good at killing the little buggers in lab, but not so good out in the real world.

But not this time!  This is going to be the best VC trip ever!

Firstly, I get to take my hubby with me!  *Does happy dance*  I’ve never had the opportunity to bring him along on a work trip before.  For once his work schedule meshes up with mine.

Also, we both have a ton of friends and family to visit in DC.  It’s gonna be one busy reunion week!

AND, there’s a a bunch of awesome museums / restaurants to check out (on the company dime, whoohooo!).

Oooh, plus there’s the whole killing viruses thing.  Yeah, I kinda like that part too.  Mwahaha!

Needless to say I’m pretty excited.

So far, here’s a list of our To-Do’s:

– Kill the Viruses (priority)

– The International Spy Museum: http://www.spymuseum.org/

– The Smithsonian: http://www.si.edu/

– ALL the family!  ALL the friends!

– La Tasca: http://www.latascausa.com/  (A Tapas Bar I went to on my last trip to DC and loved it!)

– Fogo De Chao: http://www.fogodechao.com/menu/dining-experience/ (A Brazilian Steakhouse that came highly recommended)

Been to DC (or live there?) and have some fav spots to share?  I’d love to hear suggestions!