The Lab

My boss once told us: “Don’t come back to work drunk”

He also told us to feel free to interpret that any way we wanted.

So naturally, we took it to mean, “Go out to lunch, have a few, and take off the rest of the day off!”   (I should have prefaced this by mentioning that our boss has no qualms with inebriation)

With our boss’s blessing (and reassurance that he has a bail fund ready), myself and some of the lab rats have indulged during lunch.  And after a few (too many), we tend to get all philosophical…or at least, some silly drunken version of philosophy happens…  This has led to several major – albeit temporary – epiphanies on my part:

1) We need a sign to count the days since our last event of nonsense.  Like the kind that track the number of days since the last safety / health violation.  Only better and more fun.  Plus, it’s more efficient to have a sign do my counting than try to count in my head.  Which hurts.  But that might be the hangover.

2) I love EVERYONE (Even Nutty MaGee!).  There’s so much love it makes my head want to explode with sparkles and unicorns and butterflies!

(Note: Feelings of affection and general well-being decrease exponentially as sobriety increases)

3) Goats would be a great way to cut the vast expanse of grass outside the lab window:  Goats are cheaper than using a lawn service.  Because you don’t have to pay goats.

Further, having goats would provide us with entertainment.

Plus, since goats eat anything, they could also double as paper shredders.  Which would reduce electricity costs.

And we could use goat poo to fertilize stuff.

Heck, maybe we could even use some of the facility land as a goat shelter for homeless goats.

In short, I’m pretty sure having goats at work would help us save the world.

4) Stuffing Tribbles into the machines at work is a brilliant idea

(http://www.thinkgeek.com/product/ac6e/?srp=1) .

If you’re not familiar with Tribbles, they are cute, fuzzy little critters from Star Trek that like to breed and clog up machines with their cute selves.

And they make purr sounds.

So naturally I must get more than the one I currently have.  And clog up ALL the machines.  Clog them with cuteness!  Mwahahahaaa!

5) Chocolate is a vegetable:

Chocolate is made with sugar and cocoa beans –> sugar and cocoa beans come from a plant –> plants are vegetables –> vegetables are healthy –> chocolate is a vegetable so eat more of it

6) So many epiphanies, so little short term memory.  What was I doing?….