Thong = flip flop, right?
Posted by: Alamacia on: April 16, 2013
After an awesome holiday potluck lunch, a large group of lab rats had gathered round in the main office to chat and swap stories. Meerkat was telling us about her new puppy. He’s a Doberman nicknamed Schmoo (aka Sergent Kaiser McBarkstein) and he’s all full of puppy power and friskiness. Hence lots of adorable puppy stories.
On this particular day Meerkat was late for work because she was checking around for anything Schmooey could get into (or had already gotten into). To her horror, she found he had managed to knock over her hamper. While he was romping around in dirty clothes, he hoovered underwear and socks (don’t worry, he was OK). Meerkat tried to wrestle her last thong from him but he managed to eat it before she could get it away from him.
At this point in Meerkat’s story, Nutty MaGee bounces up from her chair and rushes over to our group:
Nutty MaGee: (overly enthusiastic) Wanna hear about MY thong? Hey – hey Meerkat, wanna hear about my THONG? Common, who wants to hear about my thong!?
(Long awkward silence)
Overlord S (one of the Bosses Three): No one wants to hear about your flip flops, Nutty
Nutty MaGee: You don’t? Oh common, no one wants to hear about my thong?
Me: Nope
(Several lab rats start to giggle)
Meerkat: *singing* thong, tha-thong, thong, thong!
(More giggling – Nutty MaGee leaves in a huff)
After Nutty left, she went to Overlord D (another of the Bosses Three, and Nutty’s direct report) and told her Meerkat and Overlord S were having inappropriate conversations. Per procedure, Overlord D had to notify the Big Cheese Overlord (the manager) of said wickedness and debauchery.
This actually backfired on Nutty. When the Big Cheese came to investigate, the other 15-20 other people there, including the third boss, gave their side of the story. T’was not in her favor. Also, it is well known that Nutty MaGee hates Meerkat and Overlord S, so it just looked like Nutty was trying to harass them.
As a side note, if you were wondering why we were insensitive to Nutty MaGee’s issue over our conversation topic, it’s because on many occasions she has forced us to listen to her TMI stories. The kind you tell your close friends. She shares them with complete strangers. My first week in, I had to listen to stories of the illicit / drunken threesomes she’s been in, sometimes involving drugs and other swinger couples. Then there was that time she had a massive crap-attack at Walmart, complete with descriptions of what the walls looked like after (and she kept shopping by the way). And should you try (god help you) to tell her you are uncomfortable or that you’d prefer not to hear it, you are either met with days of passive aggressive behavior or sneaky backstabbing / sabotage. Neither of which you can prove. And neither of which is worth it.
So. The moral of the story is: if you say thong at work, make sure you mean flip flops… no, wait… um…put prune juice in your crazy coworker’s tea… well, funny, but no….Ah yes: “Karma’s a Bitch” (plus that thing about the prune juice)
The Lab 
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